ENGAGING LILITH: MAN LOVED

CAUTION: Alternative view on the first man and woman in the Garden Eden (Adam and Lilith, not Adam and EVE), what went wrong and sealed her fate. Strong language, sexual situations, and violence.

She was sleeping soundly as the man touched her face. Her long dark hair cascaded down her body past her waist to her knees. It was everywhere. He lay beside her admiring every inch of her body. Her hair fluttered lazily in the warm breeze. He lifted some of the strands in his hands and felt its softness. Sighed deeply and inhaled its fragrance. It smelled of the cherry blossoms she enjoyed so much. She said she could never decide what she liked more. The flowers of the cherry tree when in bloom or the sweet fruit that came after, she knew what she didn’t like though, the weeks and months in-between the blossoms and fruit. To the man it seemed silly to have such an attachment to one type of fruit or even food for that matter. There were so many to enjoy. So many tastes and textures. So many different smells, He enjoyed them all. She said all he enjoyed was eating and never bothered long enough on anything to truly appreciate its beauty, every aspect of it. She was wrong. She was his very favorite thing. , every part of her, the taste of her lips, her warm soft skin golden by the heat of the sun in the long months and its paleness in the dark nights, The different smells and tastes of her body, sweet salty flavor of her neck, to the musky bitter sweet between her thighs. He loved being next to her, touching her. Loved the sound of her voice when she laughed, whispered, her warm breath.

His fingers gently traced every curve of her face. The nose, eyes, her ears, down her neck to her throat, across the mark of her soul, over her shoulders and down her arms to each hand in turn. She took a deep breath in and opened her eyes still half heavy with sleep. He looked up to her face, his hand resting on her stomach. She smiled at him and brought her hand up and cupped the side of his face, her thumb caressing his cheek. If he had to pick only one thing about her, one thing he cherished the most about her, it’d be her eyes. Her long black lashes and almond shaped lids that hid her violet eyes as she slept. Her eyes, each time he looked into them he felt his heart break in two with the love he felt. They drew him into her, all that he was in her eyes, her eyes.

He drew himself up on her, the top half of his chest on hers. He brushed the few stray strands of her hair off her face and looked deep into her eyes and kissed her lips. She began to laugh and he joined her. She pushed him off of her and rolled over onto her belly giggling. He grabbed her just below her arms and her toned body tensed and jerked with his touch. She let out a squeal of laughter as he tickled her sensitive area. She rolled again and he was once again on top of her. Tears of joy were weeping from their eyes. He let go and rolled on to his own back as they both let their laughter die down.

“I don’t understand how you can do that.” she said as she looked over her shoulder at him still smiling.

“Do what…” he paused for a second “this?” He rolled back over and grabbed her. Tickling her some more. A peal of laughter erupted from her once again as she began to try to fight him off.

“No…stop. Stop!” she half yelled in-between gasps for air. He let her go. “Ahhhh…” she gasped still half giggling trying to collect herself so she could speak. “Ah…no.” she paused and again looked over her shoulder to where the man laid. “How you can keep your eyes open when you kiss me.” She stopped for a moment as the man gazed at her as she took a deep breath in. She turned her face back up towards the sky, the man watching her every move, smiling as he watched. “I try to do it and all I get is cross eyed seeing four of you.” She turned back to the man. A broad smile crossed his face showing his white perfect teeth.

“Yes…” he said slow as his smile got bigger “FOUR of you.” His eyes twinkled as he held up four fingers of his hand. She screamed again as she made a weak attempt to escape his grasp. He wrestled her into his arms and held her tight as he began to kiss her all over her face. She wiggled in his arms making a show of trying to get away then began to relax. Accepting his kisses and kissing him back. Under the warmth of the morning sun in the cool dew of the grass they made love, like they had done so many times before, taking advantage of each other’s touch and love. Never a thought it would be any different than this. This was Paradise and they were blessed.

Later in the day they both went to check on a lioness that was due to deliver cubs. He sat outside the lion’s den with the great male cat and stroked its head as the woman checked with the female. The male’s large mane was thick and rough but pleasant to feel and run his hand through. The big male seemed to like it also. It began to purr deep in its chest, seemingly to rumble the very ground he sat on. He leaned in and buried his face in the lion’s fur just behind its ear. The dank earthy smell of the wild creature filled his nostrils. With both hands on either side the cats head he grabbed great handfuls of skin and hair and pulled playfully side to side. The cat pulled itself away from the man and rolled onto its back, popping at the side of the man’s head with its enormous paw, gently as it did so. It was on.

The man and the great cat began to wrestle play under the big fig tree outside of the den the cat and its mate had. The woman was inside with the female. The lioness was having her cubs and although there was noting the woman could really do, it was not this particular lioness’s first batch of cubs, the woman liked to be at as many births as possible. The lioness was usually the first of many to bring new life during the fresh start of the growing seasons. It almost seemed the whole garden took its cue from her. The man didn’t care much for it and saw it as a pretty nasty mess to get one self into. So instead, like any other male of any particular species, he spent his time waiting with the other males away from the birth itself. He liked the big cats the best. He could rough house with them and not have to worry about hurting them. Unfortunately, the big cats didn’t seem to worry so much about hurting him either.

Although he had to admit they did hold back some. He had been knocked down and dragged about more than once when he got a little cocky. He knew it was the cats’ way of warning him what they really could do. There was a mutual respect there.

It had been longer than usual and the man and the cat had long cooled from their wrestling match. They both sat quietly under the tree and waited. Looking every once in a while to the entrance of the den, listening for the sounds of newly born cubs, the man could see the great male tension in its back and went to touch his mane once again. Before he managed to touch even a hair the great cat jumped away from him, snarling and roaring a warning. The man was shocked and moved slowly backwards from the cat, still in his sitting position. For the first time ever in his life he was afraid of an animal. The cat roared again and swung at him with his paw, its claws visibly extended, swiping the air inches from his face. The male was looking at the man like a meal and the man had no idea how to do to defend himself. Worse, was he couldn’t understand why the animal was acting this way.

It seemed as soon as the cat’s anger rose, it stopped just as quick. It looked at the man and dipped its head a little, the way they did in a silent apology. It then turned away from the man and began to pace back and forth in front of the dens entrance. Stopping once every few turns to peer inside, its ears perked for sound. The man felt pensive, the woman was in the den with the cats mate. He began to become more than a little worried about her being in there at all. If the big male acted the way he did with the man, what would stop it from going inside the den and hurting her? How could the man stop it if it did happen? The man was up on his feet ready to run in the same direction as the male cat if it started to go into the den, what he could do was beyond the man, but he knew he just couldn’t do anything at all. As the male cat paced in front of the den the man paced under the fig tree, both seemed to be keeping half an eye on each other. Then they heard it.

The small yowl of a new born cub was unmistakable. As soon as the sound hit both set of ears waiting, the tension that was once hanging heavy in the air disappeared. The man let out a loud “Whoo-hoo!!” The male cat roared again and again. The wait was over and it seemed everything was fine.

From the mouth of the den the woman emerged. She had blood over the front of her body and in her arms she cradled something. The man went to her, afraid something had happened to the woman while she was inside the den. She didn’t look at him as he approached but began to speak to him as soon as he was less than a few feet from her. The big male cat was also standing near her, fixated on what she has in her arms.

“This will be her last birth. I should of known she was getting too old when she didn‘t produce a litter for two seasons.” The woman spoke in a flat tone as she watched the small object in her arms. “This little one here held up the birth.” She looked up at the man and with her eyes had his gaze followed hers to the cub she was cradling. It was moving only slightly and seemed to be struggling for each breath.

“It was the biggest one of the litter and the mother had a hard time passing him. It came out back end first and had stayed too long in the birth canal.” She stroked the top of the small cubs head and it let out a weak yowl. The cubs father growled low as in response to its off springs cry. “She had been lucky so far…, the mother.” The woman looked into the man’s eyes again. “She has had more litters than other cats of her kind and up until now no still borns or real problems, except a couple of hard labors, when it came time for them to come.” She gazed down again at the cub. “He seems to be healthy enough. I’ve seen this type of breathing before in cubs and they improve very quickly once they are cleaned by their mother and are allowed to nurse.” The woman was upset about something and wiped a tear from her eye with one of her bloody hands. “She wanted nothing to do with it. As soon as it was clear of the female’s body, she sniffed it once then she shoved it away with her paw.” The cubs’ breathing was becoming to be more normal and it let out a stronger yowl than before. This seemed to agitate the male cat and it made a weak attempt at a grab for the cub. It stood on its back legs and tried to swipe the cub out of the woman’s arms. The woman side stepped the swipe, drawing the cub closer to her body. She seemed to ignore the male’s actions and continued to talk to the man. “I don’t understand. She has had cubs born in this same manner before. She rejected none of them.” The cub seemed to get stronger as they spoke and began to move around more in the woman’s arm crying out for its mother.

“Is this the only one she had, or was there others?” The man’s question made perfect sense. If the male cat was acting strange before he heard a cubs cry and it was the only one with something unknown wrong with it causing the mothers rejection, the cat’s attitude would become unpredictable. Looking into the man eyes the woman understood immediately.

“No…, it wasn’t the only one, once this one was born, three more arrived very quickly with no problem at all.”

“How did the mother react to the others?” There was a slight tenseness in the man’s voice the woman did not like.

“The same she had always done before. Cleaned them and then pushed them towards her teats to feed.” She paused for a moment. “I even tried to sneak the first one on to its mother but she got violent with the cub. Tossing it aside with her teeth and then she growled at me.”

“That would explain the big guys’ behavior earlier.” The man thought out loud.

“What…?” The woman asked looking at the man with a little impatience.

“Nothing…, so everything else is okay? The other cubs and the mother, Right?” He looked at her intently.

“Well yes, I just don’t know what to do with this guy though.” They were both so fixated on their conversation and the new cub they didn’t see the big male make its move. It had waited until the woman was a little off center of the man and the front part of her body was facing to him. Clear for that one moment, that fraction of a second, the cat leaped forward without a sound. With one of its paws it slapped the underside of the woman’s arms that cradled the cub sending it airborne. Both the man and the woman with the expression of shock on their faces watched as the cub flew into the air. Its yowl cut short as the big male in the same movement continued its leap up and snatched the cub in midflight in its great jaws, snapping them together making a horrible crunching sound of small bones being shattered. The woman watched horrified as the male cat, after landing on his feet with the cub still in its mouth, walked only a few paces away and devoured what was left of the small creature. The man stood there dumbstruck.

The woman was overcome with emotions and turned away from the horrid sight. She began to run. Run as fast as she could from that place. Trying to put as much distance between her and slaughter she had just seen. When the man realized the woman was no longer beside him, he began to follow her. She already had a pretty good head start. She was good at hiding her tracks when she wanted to be but this was different. She was in a panic and he could follow her path by the broken ground and shrubs she plowed through during her flight. He should have known where she’d go. Her favorite place when she wanted to be left alone.

He followed her to a great oak tree that sat on an edge of a cliff that over looked a small valley. The trees roots were visible coming out of the cliff face now far below from where it stood. She would climb to the highest branch that would hold her weight and sit there for hours at a time looking down at the lands below. That’s where he found her and under the tree is where he sat until she was ready to talk. He knew from past experience that is was pointless to even try when she was up her tree. Plus he couldn’t stand heights and just the thought about trying to climb even half way up to where she was made his stomach queasy. ‘Today seems to be a good day to sit under trees.’ The man half thought, and made himself comfortable as he waited.

He had fallen asleep under the tree sitting with his back propped against its trunk base. He woke up to the sound of her voice. It was near dusk and he could see the sun beginning to set in the horizon. For a moment he was stunned at the beauty of the view and the colors that were starting to appear. It was no wonder the woman liked this place above all others. Even without the sunset the vista was amazing to behold. The woman was right. He was a bumbling oaf that didn’t take the time to appreciate the beauty and wonder of the simple things. His heart sank a little as he realized he ignored so many things the woman tried to show him. He made a mental note to remember to tell the woman he would try harder to listen to her and see with her eyes.

“Did you hear what I said?” The woman asked,’ So much for the listening part.’, this was the second time the woman spoke to him and he hadn’t even registered the first time.

“I’m sorry…, I was half asleep when you started talking and then I got lost in the view.” There, that sounds reasonable thought the man.

“You get lost in anything but a pile of food…., impossible. Let alone in something as trivial as a sunset.” There was an edge to the woman’s voice. The man knew that sound well enough; she was looking for a fight.

“Well then let’s just go with the fact that I was sleeping when you decided to finally say something.” He sighed heavy and rolled his eyes out of her view. “I have been sitting down here for some time you know.”

“I had to get away from there.” Her voice became soft. She was swaying away from a fight and the man had to be careful with what he said or he’d be right back where he started.

“Ok. Why don’t you come down from there so we can talk about it?” He looked up into the tree and saw her looking out into the horizon. She had a sad look on her face. She looked like she’d been crying and his heart ached for her.

“Or I’ll come up to you, whichever you prefer.” The man’s voice was unsteady as he talked. He looked at the trunk of the tree wondering where he would even start if she wanted him to come to her. His stomach flipped a little at the thought of the ascent but he was willing to do anything to please her.

“What good would it do me with your head cracked wide…,” He heard the woman start to climb down as she talked. “I would have no one to talk to and a mess to clean up.” He smiled and looked up to watch her progress. He liked the vantage point from there. She made the distance in a short time and when she got face to face with the man he had a rye smirk on his face. Irritation flashed across her face as she shoved the man aside and walked away talking as she did so.

“Don’t you ever think about anything else but sex and food?!” So much for avoiding a fight thought the man as he followed her once again. “I mean really, why? What’s the point anyway? Did you ever think that maybe, just maybe, there might be more to it all than just satisfying carnal needs? Or is that point totally lost on you?” She was blasting the questions out so fast he couldn’t answer even if there was an answer to any of those questions, which there wasn’t. In situations like this there was never an answer to anything. Only a ranting woman upset over who knew what that usually had nothing to do with what she was ranting about. He knew well enough just to shut up and follow until she caught her breath and he caught up to her. He hung back just a little further in the hopes she would wear herself out before they came face to face again.

She wandered through the garden with no real destination, a mad woman and a beleaguered man at her heels. He began to wish for the shade of the oak tree again and that this was just some bad dream. He wondered if she was ever going to stop. Walking or yapping. He had seen her mad before but this was beyond being angry with him over such a little thing of admiring her body as she climbed out of the tree. There was something else going on. Something more than the den and the lion’s cub, it was total dark when she finally stopped and sat down in a deep field of long grass. If he hadn’t been right behind her he would have lost her. The man sat down next to her but just enough away to give her some space if she needed it. In the dark he waited for the woman to say something to him. She had stopped her non-interrupted tirade before they came to the long grass. He didn’t know what was worse. Her silence or her long winded chatter. Scratch that, he knew what was worse.

“Know me by my noise…, miss me by my silence.” He whispered the familiar phrase under his breath. She had told him that long ago when they were in the middle of a heated argument over who knew what. She had become so incensed with him she started to spit and sputter trying to get words out that her mouth did not want to make. He thought it was funny and started to laugh. Her face turned a bright red, and then with a voice steady purposeful voice said those eight words, then nothing else. She didn’t speak to him for days. He didn’t know just how alone you could possibly be with someone right there beside you. He realized then just how much he loved hearing her voice. How much he loved talking to her. Her silent rejection tore him up in ways he didn’t think possible.

“Did you say something?” The woman spoke to the man in a whisper not bothering to turn her head to him.

“No. Not really” The man whispered back as he stared at her silhouette in the moon light.

The woman turned to the man and hesitated for a moment before she crawled over to where he was and wrapped her arms around him then gently forced him down to lay beside her in the grass. With her arms and legs wrapped around his torso, her head resting on his shoulder, she squeezed him tight. He returned her hug in the same fashion and kissed the top of her head. He felt her sigh deep and tremble, then felt the warmth of her tears on his shoulder. He lay with her and waited for her to speak.

“Why is it so important to have a small one?” She asked after a time. “Why can’t we just stay the way we are?”

“Because it’s the way things are supposed to be. Nothing lives forever and others have to be around to go forward.” The man knew the conversation. They had it many times before this. “Besides, it’s what is expected from us. We were told to do as the animals have done. Have children, and then watch them have their own.” He held her tighter as she stifled a little sob.

‘But why? What if I don’t want to go through that? What if I don’t want to share you?” Her voice as intense as it was cracking. “We have been here longer than all the other creatures combined. We have seen generations come and go and still we are here, we are happy, WITHOUT children.” She was up on her elbow looking down at the man. “Why do WE need them?”

The man reached up and touched her face, wiping away tears as they made their way down her cheeks. “Does this have anything to do with what happened with the lions and that cub today? Because if it does…,”

The woman pulled away from the man and sat up again, her back to him. “Yes and no.” She felt frustrated. She needed to have the man understand. Know why she didn’t want children. Why she was being disobedient. She felt his hand on the small of her back and his touch made her feel better. It always did.

“I know now the lions did what they did because there was something wrong with the cub. I watched that female go through many births and if the cub was alright she wouldn’t have rejected it. I’ve seen other females do the same. So what happened didn’t really surprise me.” She paused for a moment. “I was repulsed and more than a little afraid of the male but more shocked how it happened so fast.” She had to put the incident at the lion’s den to rest in order to say what she needed to say to the man, to finally get him to understand and agree with her. “The whole thing started me to think over again what I’ve been trying to tell you all along.” She turned to face the man again. He was still on his back in the grass and the light of the moon was hitting his figure in such a way that desire began to rise inside of her. She turned away from him again quickly. She had to make him understand and not succumb to her own flesh. “I do more than just watch the birth of the animals.” She talked with her back to the man and he rolled his eyes to the sky. He was over tired of this conversation and tired of having to make excuses as to why there weren’t any children yet. He wished the woman would just get over it and have a child. Stop fighting it.

“Are you afraid of the pain that might be there? You were promised there wasn’t going to be any pain. He never backs away from a promise. You know that.” He was rubbing her lower back in small tight circles to offer reassurance. Without turning around she slapped his hand away.

“It’s not that!” She half yelled and flipped herself around to face him again. Her face was in a snarl not unlike the one he had seen earlier on the male lion. “You need to understand!” She grabbed his shoulders with her hands, her finger nails digging into the skin and pulling his back off the ground, shaking him hard. “I love you too much to push you aside!” She was inches from his face and warm spittle flecked his cheeks and forehead as she spoke. “Every female I have seen, each one, push’s the male aside once the young are born. Many of the males don’t stay around. They leave and don’t come back or only return to breed!” He pulled away from her and she released her grip. “The males that do stay around are regulated to a semi-female state. It may look like the males are satisfied…,” Her voice was wounded “but in truth all they do is whimper after the female for any type of affection, any type of attention. The female totally ignores the male while the young are real small, some to the point they won’t even let the males near the offspring.” She was looking in his eyes and noticed the man began to sneer.

“So what is so different than the way it is now?” He was trying to make light of the situation but the truth was he was already doing what she said she was trying to save him from. He just didn’t have the benefit of a child for an excuse. Yet, as soon as he said it, he regretted his words. He saw in her eyes she was crushed.

“I’m sorry…, that was the wrong thing to say. I…,” The woman cut off his words.

“I love you…,” Her bottom lip trembled “I don’t want to ever forget just how much I love you. Not even for a moment. I don’t want to share my heart or my love with anyone but you. A child takes me away from you and you away from me. I don’t ever want to see you look at me with anything but love.” She began to cry and he grabbed her up in his arms.

“How could I ever look at you with anything BUT love?” He held her and started to cry silently himself. He always thought she was everything to him. She was his world. He realized then his love was only a shadow of the love the woman had for him. She was willing to sacrifice everything for him. He could do no less.